Roses.

As in, everything is coming up roses.

I find it difficult to deal with things going WELL in my life. How fucked up is that?  It seems that everything I touch these past weeks has just been working out my way. I honestly have not had one single thing I’ve done recently fuck up on me, or turn out bad, or piss somebody off…

It’s just plain wierd.  And a bit unnerving… like things are going well, so I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for the big damn bomb to drop… for something awful t0 happen to mess up all the good that seems to be coming my way. Paranoia, I know… but when you’ve gotten used to things just not working out at all, you tend to expect that things are going to continue in that vein. 

And of all times for this streak of good to come blazing out of the blue…. it has to be now, when I am still grieving or whatever over Cindy leaving.  I am still missing her, it’s only been 2 months. I try not to think about it so much anymore, because the busier I can keep myself, the less I think about her, about missing her and aching to have her back.  I think that is the perfect recipe for a broken heart… as trite as it sounds, getting out in the world and staying busy seems to be the only remedy.

So, a quick rundown of the good things going on:

First, I took a temp job at a local restaurant/bar, as a friggin’ dishwasher of all things.  I was a dishwasher for a restaurant like 18 years ago… but for whatever reason, I am enjoying the hell out of it.  I can go in there and just shut off my brain, and do the job… and suddenly it’s closing time and I’m exhausted and sweaty and dripping with ick… and smiling from ear to ear.

Second – My school loans came in!  I am so happy about this you have no idea – I know now that come first week in October, I will be getting a nice chunk of change, and will be able to catch up on all my bills, rent and electric and net and phone… it will be AWESOME.

Third – I went and bought all my books today at the college bookstore.  $400 worth of books. ugh. 2 hours of standing in a sweltering bookstore line carrying thirty pounds of overpriced textbooks… and I was still smiling – I’m going to college! w00t!

Fourth – I talked to the landlord today about the whole winter weatherization program and he sounded really positive about it.  I sent him all the forms he needs to sign by Priority Mail, and as soon as I can turn that in, I should get a couple thousand bucks worth of home improvements made… including (hopefully) a new furnace!  double w00t!

Fifth – My home improvement projects are going well, too.  I just bought a new light fixture for the breezeway and will try to get that installed tomorrow, and found a great deal on 18 gallon storage totes at the Home Depot… only $3.44 apiece is great – I bought a bunch and plan on repacking and reorganizing the whole damn garage next week when Caitlin gets home.

Sixth – It looks like I may actually get to keep my unemployment a lot longer than I initially thought – like through next march or april even! while i’m in college! triple WOOT!

Okay thats all the goodness I can spew about tonight… I am gonna sign off and go watch the most recent epi of True Blood (yum Anna Paquin)

(PS – I still miss her.)

B

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